Negative Thoughts: How to Manage and Let Them Go

As soon as they do not call this state - self-digging, self-curling, or the beautiful Latin term "rumination" (rumination), but the essence is always the same. It is an unstoppable, intrusive stream of negative thoughts, a mental "stripping" of the same experience, exhausting and destructive. If this happens constantly - you need to do something so as not to "screw" yourself up to a nervous breakdown or depression.

The Illusion of Rational Thinking

Usually rumination, or "thought bait", refers to various unpleasant, painful or tense situations that have already happened to a person before. But sometimes the subject of endless mental chewing can be events that are just coming in the future - for example, a court hearing, an exam, an interview, a surgical operation. If obsessive restless thoughts torment occasionally, then there is nothing abnormal or pathological in it - all people tend to worry about certain life situations.

Ruminations begin to require correction if they occur constantly, for any, even minor, reason, and spoil life.

The point is that such "self-inflating" can successfully pretend to be something that is not in fact, that is, rational meditation on certain phenomena or events in order to find the best solution or draw useful conclusions from what has already happened. In fact, ruminations are completely unproductive; indeed, they become a veritable "black hole", absorbing human energy.

Take, for example, the endless scrolling in the head of painful events associated with divorce or the betrayal of a loved one. Everything has already happened, no thought can change anything. There is no way to learn the lesson either - any subsequent relationship with another person will develop differently, and "pulling the last owl on a new globe" is an ungrateful and pointless matter. It's almost like saying, "All the peasants are womanizer," or "All the women are mercantile." Air concussion, nothing more.

In addition, the endless thought-stirrer makes a person imperceptibly add to the events that have taken place a more vivid negative color than was in reality, and make future events of concern more dangerous or unpleasant than is likely to happen.

"I will not tolerate a divorce (surgery, court hearings, exams, dismissals), which is beyond my strength, and my heart will stop as soon as everything begins. I'm so weak!"
"How could he have done that to me? I must have made everything so special that it would hurt me more, perhaps, and then laughed malignantly at my tears.
"How embarrassed I am at this interview! They all looked at me like the last perplexed person! I probably looked dumbest of all the applicants because of my stupid shyness and stutter."
And the longer this chewing of the same thing continues, the more tired the person becomes, the deeper the emotional and nervous exhaustion occurs.

How to recognize ruminations?

It's very easy, if you can distract yourself from the cycle of painful thoughts and try to look at what is happening with a detached glance. The signs of "looping" are as follows:

a particular situation or problem does not give peace for a long time, it cannot be thrown out of the head, day or night;
constant thinking and scrolling in the head of the circumstances remains fruitless: the solution to the problem does not come, there is no improvement, but the person feels worse and worse.
It also happens that not one person, but several, is involved in rumination. For example, friends who endlessly discuss the circumstances of one of them's divorce. No good, but the ex-husband is becoming more and more scoundrel and scum. Even if the divorce occurs, by the way, at the initiative of the wife or through her fault.

What is the harm of ruminations?
When something unpleasant or bad happens, a complex problem occurs, and the person has several behaviors. Some of them are rational and useful, some of them are meaningless, some of them are harmful.

The right thing to do is to take a considered decision and try to improve the situation after considering the problem, without being distracted by empty and meaningless experiences. To do this, sometimes you have to completely live through all the heavy, painful emotions, skip them through and let them go - to move on lightly.

Ruminations do not allow this, forcing you to go back to the starting point again and again, without moving anywhere, without doing anything, continuing to gnaw at yourself with your own teeth.

In addition, research by scientists from the United Kingdom has shown that rumination prevents people from finding real help and support for others. Psychologist Peter Kinderman, one of the authors of the study, says, "It has been found that people who tend to "fixate" on their experiences are less likely to get support from others, even though they tend to. Our guess is simply that repeated discussion of the same thing makes others "tired of the topic," and their level of empathy declines."

Level of anxiety, tendency to depression and rumination: there is a connection

A number of studies have confirmed a link between the tendency to rumination and the increased risk of developing anxiety disorders and depression.

By self-digging, people themselves form a vicious circle from which it is very difficult to break free.

"It happened to me because it was my own fault, I am weak, stupid loser and weak, worthless and useless. That's what I need. All I do is sit there and feel sorry for myself, instead of standing up and acting. Because I'm a weak, worthless loser," and so on. Until it becomes quite sickening and troublesome - hello, depression.

What to do?

To deal with a problem, we first need to recognize it, recognize it, and recognize it. The habit of critically monitoring one's own thoughts helps a lot in this, and it would be good to develop it in one's own country.

Several techniques, particularly self-monitoring, can help.

How long does it take me to think about this problem? How long has it been taking so long?

What has been new since I thought about it last time, has my attitude changed, have there been any conclusions or solutions?
Did I try to draw these conclusions or make a decision, or did I just run around the same thoughts in a pointless way?
To answer these questions honestly, it quickly becomes clear whether you are really trying to find solutions to the situation or draw appropriate conclusions, or are engaged in hard and exhausting work of self-inculcation. That is ruminations.

It is also worth identifying your "pain points" that encourage self-digging, and try to avoid them. For example, if after parting, a glance at a former partner's photo pushes you to self-eat, you need to get rid of them, block yourself from accessing his social media pages, and abandon illusions about the possibility of "remaining friends like civilized people." Then, when it hurts and stops saddling in the soul - perhaps. But this is not certain.

Scientists are also advising people to learn how to focus on something else. It's not easy, though. Exercise, walking, favorite music, hobbies help. True, walks are discord: for example, visiting iconic, special, memorable places can, on the contrary, cause an explosion of emotions and the fall into the abyss of ruminations. In addition, one study found that walking in crowded places can also make the situation worse, while deserted parks or country nature works significantly better.

There is also such a technique as "self-digging on a schedule". Allocate yourself 15-20 minutes per day for ruminations, and during the time allotted for this, ruminate with all responsibility, diligently and diligently, and as the time comes out - stop and return to business. Practice shows that such orderly ruminations quickly disappear.

What should not be done is to forbid oneself to think about a painful topic with all its might. Remember the parable of the white monkey? The more one tries not to think about her, the more intrusive she will get into her thoughts. All ruminations are "white monkeys". So such bans don’t work, and they are only more unnerving.

And, of course, if no advice helps, you should consider seeking qualified help. Why you should not be shy or afraid of it, read the article "Why you should not be afraid of psychotherapy".